Unwelcome Voyeur

Since we have "faux" moved in, we have used the hot tub almost daily. Mostly for therapeutic reasons for our sore muscles.

Saturday we had a nice little rainstorm that drastically cooled off the weather and provided us with much needed rainfall. So we were very excited to get in the hot tub with the temperature around 70 instead of 90 outside.

It felt great to relax in warm bubbly water sipping our wine when I glanced over and WTF??? There was a snake hanging down from the edge of the deck!!

I was mostly raised in the country but I still don't deal with snakes well. That is what brothers are for and their weapons, i.e. gun, shovel, broom - whatever is available.

Earlier in the evening we found ourselves watching COPS. Why? I don't know - it was on. In this particular episode a lady called the cops because there was a snake on her front porch. We had been laughing at her because seriously "who calls the cops for a snake"?

I am in panic mode and asked my husband what we should do (other than crap our pants). He responds - "call the cops?"

I go in to find animal control's number - no luck. Nowhere on Louisville's city website could I find animal control - that website sucks by the way.

I gave in. I called 9-1-1.

I told the lady it wasn't an emergency per se, but I had a snake and needed animal control's number. She gave it to me but added that I needed to call a pest control company because animal control only deals with dogs and cats - "unless someone has been bitten - has someone been bitten?"

Not yet. But I took a chance.

I call animal control and get a very nice, patient, understanding man who I am sure would love to laugh his ass off at this panicked female on the other end of the line.

I describe the snake and he assures me it is harmless and get this - "is more scared of you that you are of it".

Right.

We watch it until it disappeared down the other side of the deck and off into unknownland.

Unknownland is what bothers me and has bothered me since. Where the fu** did it go"?

Am I going to step out onto the deck and find it sunbathing some day?

Is my dog going to bring it to me like he already has moles and birds that have fell to his predatory skills?

This has totally ruined my hot tub experience for a very long time.