Did your mother not teach you any better?

When someone is in the hospital, they are sick. This means they don't feel good, they need all the rest they can get, and they might even be throwing up or worse.

When I've been a patient, there is nothing worse than throwing up with an audience. Moving around in those flattering, not so modest gowns just to go to the bathroom with an audience, isn't a treat either.

So, these are the rules.

1. Visiting should kept to a minimum. It isn't social hour on the medical ward. If you insist on coming to the hospital to see me when I am sick, when I look like shit, and when I feel like shit - please, please keep the visits to a very brief amount of time. So there are no misunderstandings - this means less than 30 minutes, really 15-20 is best.

2. Children should never ever ever be brought to the hospital. There are SICK people in the hospital. That means there are GERMS. Why would you knowingly bring your child or any child to a place where there are germs? Not to mention, the patient is SICK, so entertaining your cute little girl is not their responsibility nor that of the medical staff. I feel the need to mention germs again. Kids touch everything....germs!! Hello?

3. If you insist on visiting and the patient is asleep when you get there - LEAVE. God knows you don't get enough rest when you are a patient in a hospital anyway, so if they have managed to fall asleep - no matter what time of day it is - let them sleep. They are there to get well, not entertain you.

4. Speaking of time - what time is too late to visit a hospital? I googled this and most hospitals have unofficial visiting hours that end at 8pm for non-family. The practice of announcing "time to get the hell out" has went by the wayside, but I yearn for those announcements. Apparently some people still need them.

Where is Dear Abby when you need her?