What Brothers Are Good For

I recently bragged about how great a brother I am blessed with. I have done this before too. I can't help it - he really does rock.

Gnightgirl commented that more info is needed on the "standing down my ex" comment.

Interestingly enough I had a bizarre dream last night about all that sordid mess. What prompted it? Who knows. It could have been that alone or a million other things.

What it did do is bring back some details and clarity about that mess that I actually wish had stayed fuzzy. But it also allows me to tell the story - the Reader's Digest version anyway. If I told you the whole thing it would take more than a blog and you'd be forced to charge me for therapy sessions.

My ex-husband and I had been married ten years before things went "bad". I can honestly say we had some good times and I wouldn't be the person I am today without having gone through all of those experiences, good and bad.

Over a period of 18 months we separated (let's be honest - he left) no less than five times maybe six, I truly lost track. He confessed to be suffering from depression or having some mid life crisis of sorts.

"I'm not sure I ever loved you."

"Maybe we should never have been together."

All things that make a woman feel so good about herself.

But then he would recant to the extreme and proclaim his undying love and devotion. We even renewed our vows after cancelling the divorce proceedings at one point.

Mixed in with all of this was my religion creating much guilt on my part over the "forgive", "no divorce", and "being a dutiful wife" nooses that fundamentalism happily hangs you with.

My friends and family tried to be there for me without stating what they so wanted to scream:

"You deserve better."

"He's a jerk."

"Are you sure there isn't someone else?"

Actually I did hear most of that, just not directly. My grandmother was the only one who had enough guts to say words that I will never forget and lived to believe:

"Men don't leave something for nothing sweetie."

Finally, and only because his mother caught him and threatened to tell all, he confessed one night during a separation period that he had been having an affair for the past 1 1/2 years with my best friend...who also was his brother's wife.

There is nothing you are thinking or feeling that I haven't a thousand times over the past 10 years.

That was it. I was done with the bouncy ball thing. He needed to go and stay gone. I told him as much. He had one week to get his shit out of the house or it would be on the lawn.

The next day he told me he was bringing his brother (yes the very one) and his brother-in-law to help him move his stuff. Great.

But I wasn't going to be there by myself. It isn't that I feared him hurting me physically - that was never an issue - but I needed some moral support.

So I called in the troops.

My brother and my sister and her husband.

What I didn't know is my brother had broken up with his girlfriend the night before and was besides being broken hearted - seriously hung over and in no mood for fucking with a guy he never cared much for to begin with let alone after he found out the sordid details, aka, my life.

I set up the time for all to meet there as soon as I got off work. But I was delayed. So when I pulled up there was my ex and his entourage sitting in one vehicle parked in front of the house facing my brother and his entourage in their vehicle.

It was like stand off at the OK Corral - fast forward 100+ years.

When I arrived we all got out of the car and proceeded to head into the house. My smart ass husband (ex) said "let me get this straight, you guys aren't here to help me move, right?"

My brother-in-law said "no.

My brother said "hell no."

It went fine or as fine as it could. I so appreciated their physical and emotional presence. My ex can be a real smart ass and he was fairly chilled after that. I truly think he was always intimidated by my brother - not in size as Rich is actually smaller - just by sheer character. And in the mood Rich was in that day - I think he would have loved to take his own frustration and pain out on the "no good son of a bitch".

So that is the tale. Sounds fairly white trash and Jerry Springer, but it is what it is.

I have grown and learned so much from the pain, humiliation, and betrayal - of both him and her.

Karma, fate - whatever you want to call it - has proven to be on my side.