D-Day

Or should I say C-Day.

This is it. We close on our new home today. Or as my mother always says "Lord willing and the creek don't rise". I never got that.

Anyway, I can honestly say I haven't felt this stressed in a very long time. I constantly feel like I have forgotten to do something or should be doing something.

The impending wait is worse than any Christmas Eve as a child or job interview or an end-of-term test. It is a mixture of excitement, worry, dread, and anxiety. Valium anyone?

Part of my angst is packing. My mother has been our primary packer upon her own request (or demand). She is an ex-Mayflower packer by trade and is damn good at it. The problem, which I foresaw but was hushed by her, is she is wearing out.

There is a reason she quit doing this. I think she is in denial of what she is capable of physically. The woman suffers from rheumatoid arthritis for christ's sake.

Now I realize we have three weeks of flux time that she can finish us in with no problem. We have all the stuff packed that we are taking there tomorrow (including our air mattress). What I worry about is what state she will be in at the end of that.

I'm not being lazy - I pack when she isn't here but then we have this box situation. My brother and step-father work at the same facility and have provided us with 75+ boxes - which are all full. We went and bought some to continue and was scolded.

Funny how at 41 years old a scolding by your parent still means and feels the same.

Anyway, she brings more boxes with her each time, but uses them all when she is here. I swear she is doing this on purpose. When she found out I had packed some stuff, I again was scolded.

I want to help - I need to help. I packed five boxes last night and felt more productive than I have felt for awhile. And actually slept better than I have in awhile.

I think part of the issue for her is she doesn't want us to move. She is happy that we have a nicer home and will be closer to work - blah blah blah. But ultimately we are further from her and across (dare I say it) - the river.

People in Indiana consider crossing the river to be a "trip". People in Kentucky consider crossing the river to be a step back in time. It is absolutely crazy how people have established this 1/2 mile bridge to be a black hole in space and a break in the time space continuim.

The fear of driving across this bridge is ridiculous. It isn't a fear of heights or danger - but a fear of the unknown.

Maybe that is part of my anxiety - the fear of the unknown.

Something to ponder.

When I have time.