Lost in Deck Hell

Well I think I can safely say my husband and I are so frustrated by the obstacles, misleading information, and general hassle of doing anything home improvement-wise, that we are ready to throw our hands in the air and let the very expensive professionals do their work...almost.

We are attempting to rebuild our crappy wooden, builder-grade deck with composite decking so our lazy butts don't have to - not that we do anyway - stain and maintain for years to come.

Trex, Ultra-Deck, Eon, ChoiceDek, Veranda, Timber Tech - Aaaaaaah! Too many choices, too many contradictions. I quit!!!

We finished our entire basement from bare nothing to full electric, tin ceiling, drywall, electrical, carpet, etc. with less hassle than this project. We're not stupid, my husband is a freaking genius, but this is ridiculous.

Yesterday we went to Home Depot literally going to order whatever they had because we can't figure out what we really need or want and can't look at another brochure/website. Guess what? That "desk" isn't open on Sundays. WTF? When do home do-it-yourselfers work on their projects? Weekends...duh! Now they are no better than the freakin' post office in my book (someday I'll publish that book).

Anyone have any advice or experience with composite decking to share?

Laughable Labelling

From my newly received book, Eats, Shites & Leaves, I thought I'd share some of the humorous and oh so sad but true content.

Strange though it may be, these highly unnecessary and somewhat pointless warnings and instructions have appeared on genuine products.

• Do not iron clothes on body.
• For indoor and outdoor use only.
• Serving suggestion: defrost.
• Why not try tossing over your favourite breakfast cereal (on a packet of raisins)?
• Objects in the mirror are actually behind you (on a cyclist's helmet mounted mirror).
• Sliced ham with vegetarian cheddar.
• Whole chicken medium fresh.
• Peel tomatoes easily by standing in boiling water.
• Keep out of children (on a Korean kitchen knife).
• 100% pure all-natural fresh-squeezed juice from concentrate.

Watch Out For That....Stray Bullet?

I have never considered my life a dangerous one. I live in small town America where nothing, I repeat, nothing ever happens. In the past week, I have been proven wrong.

Last week while mindlessly watching the evening news, "this just in" reported a wanted and dangerous man for suspicion of murder by shooting and then hiding the body in a cistern which he then filled in with dirt - back in February!

Up pops the name and picture and what do you know - it was a childhood friend, schoolmate, and family friend. Go figure! You know someone for 32 years and find out he was a murderer - who'da thunk it?

You know how people always say, "he just wasn't the type" - well he wasn't. And I'm not just saying that. There are people I have met and known in my life that truly will not surprise me when their picture shows up on the news as wanted for murder - let's face it we have all met someone like that.

Then yesterday I see on national news that we have a sniper right here in southern Indiana, right on I-65 where I travel every day. Goody.

It is a good thing I already have life insurance - my risk rates just went up.

Shoots? Leaves? What?

At the insisting of Dott and because I trust her taste completely, I went to Amazon to order the apostrophe bible she recommended. I have it on order so rest easy.

However, there were a couple other interesting finds I thought I would share:

Eats, Shites and Leaves

Shoots, Eats and Leaves

Does Size Really Matter?

1,000 calories, 68 grams of fat, 30 grams of saturated fat, 240 milligrams of cholesterol, and 1,800 milligrams of sodium.













At The Impulsive Buy site, he throws out the question of how important size is...in hamburgers.

With four beef patties, four slices of American cheese, eight strips of bacon, BK Stacker Sauce, and sesame seed bun, I think the size will matter somewhere else soon.

Can anyone else hear their arteries shrieking in terror?

Secret Society for the Abused and Overused

Some things bother me more than others.

Public signs displaying sad and ridiculous mangling of the grammar/punctuation of the English language is one.

Two examples I have encountered recently that I was not able to photograph were:

• 12 Acers For Sale
• There Open (handpainted sign in front of a buy here-pay here mobile home dealer)

Then I found this wonderfully delightful web site - The Apostrophe Protection Society.

I shall sleep better tonight knowing they are out there.

Isn't This The Truth?

BookWorm

I realized today as I was perusing through my routine blogs and found Dott's "to read" list, that I haven't read a book in forever. That includes the one she lent me awhile ago. Oops.

It is on my night stand. I even took it to Birmingham, and the week I was off I put a bookmark in it to go outside and read, but alas no progress.

I used to read every spare moment I had. Of course that was back before I decided to go back to school and once you have to start reading, like for real, for grades, for actual learnin'...it becomes less fun.

After I graduated, I promised myself I would be rewarded with pleasure reading. I did for awhile and I still do in spurts. Like last spring when we ran away to Mexico for a week. I read five books. Of course, beaches set the stage for great reading marathons (the tequila sunrises didn't hurt).

My next couple weeks are full with our trip to Gatlinburg for my brother's wedding and the surprise party we are planning prior to the trip for them. But after that, I am off for a four day weekend for my birthday. I can't think of a better gift to myself. I might even, dare I say it, have a glass of wine with it. Gasp!

The doctor said on special occasions and if a girl's birthday is not a special occasion, what the hell is?

I promise Dott, the book will be read and returned soon.

Dinner Report

As promised, an update. I know you lost sleep wondering.

Last night dinner was all things goat cheese. We started with an appetizer of Date Bacon Roll-Ups. Simple and wonderful.

Recipe:
(2 people)

10 whole dates, pitted
5 slices of bacon, sliced in half.
10 half pecans
1 oz. of goat cheese

Preheat oven to 375. Split the date lengthwise and squeeze to make a pocket. Fill cavity with goat cheese and top with a pecan half. Wrap half slice bacon around and place on foil covered baking sheet. Repeat 9 more times.

Bake for 15-20 minutes or until bacon is done.

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Next came a salad made of baby romaine lettuce, sliced red onions, dried mixed berries and goat cheese. Topped with a homemade pomegranate vinaigrette.

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The finale was the Sweet Potato Rosti w/....of course....goat cheese. Very good.

Recipe:
(makes 4 patties)

1 can of yams, drained completely
1 cup of japanese bread crumbs (Panko)
1/8 c. of finely diced red onions
1 clove garlic, crushed
1 egg
2 T. olive oil
salt and pepper

Mix thoroughly and make into four patties. Heat olive oil in skillet and fry at medium heat until brown and crispy on both sides. Serve immediately with "dollup" of goat cheese on top. We also drizzled a very, very small amount of good balsamic vinegar on top...mmmm mmmmm good.

A nice sweet Riesling would have gone well with all the above...oh well.

I'm In Love!!!!

Where have you been all my life?

For those that don't know or do know or know and don't care, I love to cook. I love to experiment with new ingredients and best of all share my findings and masterpieces (subjective) with those in my life. I love to throw parties and kill myself cooking for days in preparation. I cook with ingredients I don't like all the time because I love to watch people enjoy what I make.

All this takes me to my latest discovery....goat cheese. I know, I know...it isn't new. But it is new to me!!!

I love cheese, but not strong cheese. I can take a little gorgonzola but that is about it for me. Sometimes swiss is too much. I am a cheese weenie - what can I say?

Therefore I have always avoided goat cheese expecting it to be like feta or bleu cheese.

Last night I had a wonderful salad at a new restaurant, Azalea. The restaurant isn't new, just new to me. Notice the theme?

OMG! This stuff is like cheesecake on salad. I have a new mission - any and all recipes with goat cheese. I think I will throw a goat cheese party - all dishes will contain goat cheese.

My first adventure: Sweet Potato Rosti with Goat Cheese. I'll let you know how it goes.

Run Honey Run

I must share. This trashy trailer park is on my way home (right next to Walmart - how appropriate).

It is the home of every drug dealer, child molester, average and above average scum bag in town.

Seriously... I went to the registration site where you can put your zip code in and they tell you where all the sex offenders are in your area. Bingo! Jackpot!

The paper reports a drug bust there at least once a month, shootings periodically, and just normal trailer trash behavior.

It seems appropriate that they just built the new police station and fire station next door. Saves them some fuel I guess.

But seriously folks, who named this dump?

"Honey run the cops are coming"
"Honey run your probation officer is here"
"Honey run my husband's home".

I just thought I would take pic and share a piece of daily commute with you all. I didn't notice until I actually took the picture though that the phone number has been painted over. You can't even call - I guess there is truly no room at the inn.

I Can See Clearly Now

Well blogger friends, there's nothing like a little controversy to kick your sitemeter into high gear. Thanks to all my virtual buddies for "gettin' my back" when the hormonal tides came spewing forth from Nowhere, America.

However there are truths behind the old myths of full moon and moods. When I look and see that we are in the end of a full moon run, it all makes so much sense. No crimes committed, unless an "internet ass-kicking" is illegal. I can't help but laugh at that. Just when I was feeling old, I am back in junior high school all over again with the class bully (ironically or not...now the town slut) threatening to call you out in the school yard to "kick your ass". Too funny.

Real Dilemma

Monday night television has become a problem in our house. We have been a big fan of Hell's Kitchen since last year. Chef Ramsey is an ass but there is something about watching him spew Simon Cowell crap at those "I'll take anything to get my own restaurant smarmy deli counter help" contestants.

However, last week it wasn't on so we tuned in to Treasure Hunters. As I have previously mentioned, the idiocy on this show intrigued us (that is so sad).

So now tonight, which do we watch?

Beer In A Baby Bottle?

I don't know why I am constantly surprised at the stupidity that surrounds us on a daily basis, but alas I am.

In reading my local home town paper online today, I find this "people say so" submission apparently responding to some teenagers being arrested for loitering or whatever kids do at a po' dunk small town festival.

He may be justified as hell for his view, but he is too stupid to realize he just made himself and any farmer look like still-making hillbillies from the 1890's. Not to mention, every farming family look like drunken child abusers.

Mullet Idiots

Has anyone viewed the new "Treasure Hunters" this season?

Oh my Gaawwwd! (with all the Janice nasality I can muster).

This fucking moron and his equally retarded shit for brains family have to make anyone from Texas hide with shame.

The premise in this reality series is multi-player teams trying to stay one step ahead of each other as they solve puzzles to discover clues. The teams must avoid elimination as they travel to historically significant locations where they must decipher cryptic codes and puzzles, each with a clue leading them closer to solving the ultimate puzzle, and obtaining the coveted grand prize of --- actually I don't know or care.

Last week, they are in the middle of the elimination round and stop, drive 80 miles for a hamburger and then go back....I am not joking.

This week they show their lack of intelligence and make fun of the only team behind them in the ranking while basically trying to screw them out of any shot of winning with very unsportsmanlike behavior - only to lose themselves because they are too stupid to know roman numerals!

Let's all say it together - sleeping with your sister is wrong (see result above).

Boring

I have been off work all week and as much as I love spending time at home in this beautiful weather, my life is boring.

The highlights:

Monday: Laundry, Cooking, Vacuuming
Tuesday: Trip to Menard's and mom's. Treated rose bushes and sprayed weed killer on patio.
Wednesday: Pulled weeds, pruned shrubs, trip to DMV (ugh).
Thursday: Another trip to DMV (their computer is down, still). Trip to WalMart (just as bad).
Planned activities for tomorrow: Doctor for blood test - yoo hoo - might just be the highlight of my week.

I wish I had a friend who isn't working and would love to run away to say the track or shopping or something....

Answers

Well apparently I had more fun than you all did. But for those few who are interested, here are the answers:

Love Actually, Hugh Grant
What About Bob, Bill Murray
My Cousin Vinny, Joe Pesci
Gross Pointe Blank, John Cusack
MIB, Tommy Lee Jones
Big Fish, Albert Finney
Signs, Joaquin Phoenix
Casablanca, Humphrey Bogart
Contact, Matthew McConaughey
As Good As It Gets, Jack Nicholson
Shawshank Redemption, Morgan Freeman