Poor Spellers, Marital Stati, and Little Boxes

Warning: Ranting below.

I had a conversation with my mother yesterday where she was telling me she had seen some old school friends at a funeral (where else do you see them). One of them was the minister who pastored their small town church the entire time she was growing up. He actually married my parents 46 years ago and then 25 years ago he married my mother and step-father. I was actually named after his daughter, Melody Cay (they don't know how to spell Kay apparently - thank goodness my parents did).

Anyway, she made this comment, "I was surprised to find out that Melody Cay had never married. I didn't know she was an old maid."

OLD MAID!

Wasn't that a card game we played as a kid?

I couldn't refrain myself from audibly making a noise somewhere between disgust, laugh and choking.

Of course she picked up on this and when asked "what?", I could not resist.

"They don't use that term anymore Mom."

"Well, then what do they call it now?"

"Huh...single."

The audible noise she made indicated she didn't approve of this.

Here's where I rant - why are we defined by our marital status?

I remember when I got divorced and the first time I registered for lab work at the hospital (where I worked no less), they asked "single, married or divorced?"

WTF!

First off, I don't get why they even need to know my marital status to take my blood, but I won't go there. What is the difference between single and divorced? Why do you need to know that I was married and no longer am married?

Nobody can give me an answer to this question.

Anyone who has went through a divorce knows that no matter what the situation was, you feel a sense of failure. It doesn't matter how much of a victim you were in the situation or how innocent you may have been, you still feel like you took on a huge commitment and failed at it. I know now that is not true, but it is part of the healing process after anything so life-altering.
So to be asked to publicly admit failure is just cruel, tasteless, and yes, stupid.

Why can't we be defined as the person we are? A woman, one who laughs, loves, cries, succeeds, cares, messes up and yes sometimes fails. But always gets back up on the horse again.

Mark that in your little box.